2021年4月9日星期五

清明,我去了夹边沟

 风雪未归人


 今天四月四日,是清明。  

       由额济纳出来,沿213国道一路朝南,开了近四个多小时的车,周围景色几乎无多大变化,除了沙漠戈壁还是戈壁沙漠。 

我坐在树下乘凉,有一只五颜六色的蜜蜂叮了我一口,一种无法形容的痛瞬间涌进身体的各个部位,直到把我痛晕。当我醒来时,我身边全是乐高,他们在忙那忙这,看着他们劳动的样子,我入神了。但我似乎也变成了个乐高人,头圆圆的,只有两根手指。我不知道自己来到了什么样的世界,我居然听得懂他们的语言,他们也并没有把我当成陌生的另类。虽然没看到自己,但我感觉到,我应该是成为了他们的一员。我身上没有一点儿钱,可我又找不到工作,还好快不行时遇见了一位好心的乐高人,他给了我点钱,并给我介绍了一份工作。我问他叫什么,他说他叫红,想成为一名元素战士。他还给我介绍了三位朋友,分别是蓝、黄和黑。认识了他们后,红想让我加入他们去寻找他爷爷没找到的宝藏,我爽快地答应了。但找了这么久,半点线索都没找着,我只好去找红,他家门是开的,我问了一声就进去了,见到一个小盒子,打开后里面放起了一首美妙的歌曲,盖子还刻着一棵大柳树。我听到有声音从我背后飘来,红竟然在哭,“对不起”,我轻轻地对他说。“没关系,只是…想…想起了爷爷,他…还在时,很喜欢听这首歌”。红断断续续地说。我忽然明白了什么,对他悄悄地说:“这和钟楼正中午时放的音乐一样”!红惊喜的盯着我,并召集了所有成员(黑、蓝、黄),并叫我绿,我们一起在钟楼那里观察,虽然我们日复一日地观察,可完全看不出有什么线索,就在大家快放弃时,我忽然想到那棵大柳树,城市里只有一棵。果然,正中午时镜子反射的光到土地上,我们找到了个拼图,我们拼完后就出现了一个通往地底的通道,我们走到最低下时发现了一条河和一艘船,我们决定坐船前行。我们完全没察觉到有坏人已经盯上我们了,水越来越汹涌,忽然,黑大叫的喊:“不好了,前面是瀑布,快把船停下来”。眼看就要掉下去时,红突然把绳套紧在岩石上,并叫我们帮忙拉,经过我们的一番努力,终于把船停下了。我们找到了个平台,那儿有一个大门,中间有一个小圆,里面有一棵大柳树的印子,我们找了好久都没找到打开门的方法,这时,一直没说话的蓝发话了,说:“我们也许可以用那个盒子试一下”。不试不知道,一试就知道,门一下子就打开了,里面全是黄金珠宝,但是,坏人们突然进来了,他们让我们不要动,他们装完东西就走。可是我们才不会让他们拿,我一个箭步跳过去就给他一拳,红也带着大家冲了过来,但谁也没想到的是有个坏人已经拿到了黄金柳树,您知道吗?如果您口腔中镶嵌的假牙是含金属的烤瓷冠,在您需要做头颅x线、CT、核磁共振检查时,将会受到影响甚至拆除。非金属的二氧化锆对x线却无任何阻挡,只要镶入二氧化锆烤瓷牙,日后需头颅x线、CT、核磁共振检查时都不需要拆掉假牙,省去很多麻烦可大门又“轰”地一声关上了,而我又被红在大门关闭前推了出来,我着急地在外面走来走去,还时不时地听到里面的叫喊声。我的余光扫到了对面的按钮,可它在河的对岸,我只能踩着一块又一块的石头跳过去,终于,我按下了按钮,大门果然打开了,里面的坏人也全倒地上了。经过所有人的同意,我们决定将它捐给城市,市长当场表扬了我们,还赠给我们一车珠宝,我们用它让别人给我们建了个大房子,我们可以住在一起,再把剩余的存起来了第二天,一声警报声把我们吵醒了,起来一看,不得了了,Subhuti, what do you mean by cloud? If you are reading, I should be a sentient being. Subhuti, don't do is read, why? There is no such thing as a Buddha. If there is a sentient being called Tathagata, the Tathagata has four phases: I, man, sentient being and longevity. Subhuti means: Tathagata, have the heart of sentient beings. Subhuti thinks: Tathagata has the heart to help all living beings. Does he have this heart? Buddha is asking him: Subhuti, what is the meaning of cloud? What do you think? In other words, what do you think of this matter, this problem? Do you mean that the Tathagata has the heart to relieve sentient beings? It is wrong to say the Diamond Sutra. You should not call the Tathagata's work a thought. Don't think that the Tathagata says that the Vajrayana Sutra is to save all living beings. Don't think that the Tathagata is to save all living beings. I should be a sentient being. The Buddha is called Subhuti. Don't have this view. Don't think that the Tathagata says the Vajra Prajna Paramita Sutra is for sentient beings. This is wrong. Subhuti, what do you mean to say: Tathagata has the heart to take care of all living beings. Buddha sent Subhuti's suspicion to him. Buddha said that this sutra of Vajra Prajna Paramita does not have a mind of sentient beings, so don't think about it. Why? The essence of all living beings is Buddha, and all living beings are Buddha. This is the Mahayana doctrine. In particular, the Hua Yan Sutra is devoted to this issue, which is contained in many volumes of scriptures. It is said that all sentient beings are Buddhas. If the Tathagata is to make all sentient beings Buddhas, this is a lie. What do you mean by lying? It is me, human beings, sentient beings and longevity, not only I, what I think, this is what I think and what I think in my heart. Although all sentient beings have Buddha nature, if it is said that if it is not because of Buddha, how can he realize? With what practice can one become a Buddha? It is we who hear the Buddha's words, and only by listening to the Buddha's words can we realize this truth and become Buddhists. This Buddha tells us that Buddha transforms sentient beings into beings without transforming them. Buddha does not transform the mind of sentient beings and no sentient beings are transformed by Buddha. This is the characteristic of Vajrayana Sutra. This is why it is different from other Sutras. The Buddha has repeatedly instructed Subhuti that you must not have this kind of thought. You must not say that the Tathagata is for the sake of sentient beings, whether it is the Tathagata saying, the Tathagata practicing, or the Tathagata coming out of the world. Many other sutras say that the great cause of Buddha's birth is the salvation of all living beings. The Diamond Sutra sends out this thought and tells Subhuti that you should not have this idea. Why not call you this idea because of Buddha's salvation of all living beings and why? Subhuti, don't do is read, what reason? The reason is very simple, there is really no such thing as Buddha, so I ask you not to say that Buddha can do it. Because there is really no sentient being, such as Buddha. If there are sentient beings such as Buddha, Buddha has me, human beings, sentient beings and longevity. If the Buddha wants to have this idea, I will have the idea of sentient beings, I will have the idea of sentient beings, I am Buddha, and sentient beings are sentient beings, then the Buddha has four distinct phases: I, human beings, sentient beings and longevity. In fact, the Buddha does not have me, human beings and sentient beings. Therefore, the Buddha enjoins Subbodhi that you do not have the idea of Buddha's idea of sentient beings, and at the same time you do not have doubts. Therefore, tell him not to do is to read, that is what this means. Don't do this, Buddha has no sentient beings to be able to live, no sentient beings to become Buddha, and no Buddha to live. To eliminate this idea, although all sentient beings have Buddha nature, can they be enlightened by themselves if they do not listen to what has been said? What makes you practice to become a Buddha? This is a rhetorical question, that is, let us understand that Buddha is not persistent, nor does he have my own view, human view, sentient beings view, and longevity view. Buddha transforms all living beings into nothing. Buddha transforms all living beings into beings without seeing each other and without being able to transform. There is no Buddha who can be changed, nor is there any sentient beings that can be changed. Let's understand it this way. The meaning is very deep. Let's get rid of all persistence. Because we sentient beings know and see too deeply, especially we draw the common people and Buddha very clearly, which is wrong. For example: Patriarch Danxia, he broke the attachment of the master of a temple, that is, the master monk. Buddha's heart, the heart of all living beings; Buddha's image, sentient beings' image. Persistence is very serious, he went to visit him. Seeing the temple, he went to the main hall. It was winter and the weather was very cold. Patriarch Danxia took down the wooden Buddha statues and split them, lit a fire and baked them. The abbot monk, still can promise him? I started to argue with him. The abbot said: How do you split the Buddha? How did you burn my Buddha statue? He said: I am looking for sarira. The abbot monk said: What relic is in this wood? He said: Oh, there is no sarira in the wood. I'll burn another one if there is no sarira. How do you understand? He is breaking away from this master's knowledge and vision. He is too clear about the Buddha's vision, my vision and all beings' vision. He breaks away from his knowledge and vision. As soon as he burned, he said, ' I am looking for sarira.' Where is the sarira in this place? Where is the sarira in the wooden statue? Why did he worship him without sarira? What is he doing? I'll burn another one and the host will be enlightened. Do you know the reason for his enlightenment? He disavowed his knowledge. Buddha means there is no difference among all beings. The Buddha is wood, not the real Buddha. If we normally regard Buddha statues as wood, can you practice? We really regard the Buddha as the real Buddha. There are several aspects: to a certain kind of person, it is Zen meditation for that old practitioner. he reached the peak and was too clear about the difference between Buddha and sentient beings. Patriarch Danxia broke his belief. This is not something we can use casually. You also went to the temple to take a Buddha statue and split it, then you can commit crimes and shed blood. He didn't, so there is a lot of scripture, don't misunderstand. You must not do that until then. For example, a Zen master, who has been sitting and participating in Zen for 120 years, how can you compare? You can also go there and sit there. how can you compare yourself with him for more than 20 or 30 years? You can only gain by yourself. There was a man selling tofu. when he went to jinshan temple to deliver tofu, he looked at master sitting like this. he said, ' master, one year he also sits like this when delivering tofu, and two years he sits like this. is it any good to sit like this every day?' It must be good. He asked the guest teacher, I also want to sit down. The guest teacher said, ' No, how can you run and sit down?' He said, ' I will not sit inside. the masters will sit inside the door. I will sit outside the door and sit at the back door. is that possible?' The hostess asked him to grind and say, ' okay, okay, you are not allowed to talk or make any noise here.' He sat at the back, waited for a fight, and then said to the guest teacher, ' alas, I have gained a lot from this sitting.' The insider said: What have you gained? He said: I owe me the tofu account three years ago. I have long forgotten it. I remembered several accounts in this sitting. I should go to ask for the account and collect the money. What do you think of this story? How do you understand? Therefore, we should calm down, calm down the crazy heart and floating heart. Like him who has no wisdom, we can realize wisdom. Wisdom can illuminate itself, so-called open wisdom is open mind, open mind is wisdom, simply say wisdom now. Before wisdom comes to light, can it be life or death? In the past, present and future, you have known and completely laid down your body, mind and body, seeing that it is empty, that is the meaning. Buddha does not have sentient beings, nor does he have this idea. I am capable and sentient beings are what I am capable of. If there is such an idea, if he is not a Buddha, he will not succeed, that is the meaning. Subhuti certainly understood, so the Buddha asked Subhuti: Do you think so? The Tathagata's work is to chant me to save all living beings. What if there is such an idea? It is wrong. Subhuti, don't do is read, there is no sentient beings Buddha degree. I'll tell you the truth, in fact, there is not a sentient being who is Buddha. If the Tathagata wants all beings to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be The Buddha has long been dead, without me, human beings, sentient beings and longevity. That's why he said: ' Buddha spends all day without seeing sentient beings.' Because the Buddha knows Subhuti still has doubts, his heart is still not clean, and he still thinks that all living beings are what the Buddha does. All living beings are enlightened by Buddha. Buddha is enlightened by being enlightened, so Buddha wants to be enlightened. Buddha replied: All living beings do not want me to do it, nor do I want to do it. Why? All sentient beings are full of Buddha nature. All sentient beings are Buddha. This everybody can want deep participation, all living beings are Buddha originally, born Buddha has no two, heart and Buddha have no two, no two is one. All sentient beings are Buddhas and are just lost in enlightenment. This truth should be taken into consideration. It's not that scripture can't be told according to the text, but that the participant is thinking. You have to see the body, and the body is the same. No matter what its appearance is, it is the same. For example: wood. If this wood is carved into a Buddha statue, everyone will offer it there and kowtow for worship. If this wood is made into a chair, all of us will sit on it and put it under our buttocks. One kowtows and worships every day and the other sits under his buttocks. Are these two the same? But they are all made of wood. It turns out that they are all made of wood. From this truth, we all realize that the essence is the same, and all living beings and Buddha are one body. He is lost and fallen, that is, all living beings. Has he realized? Enlightenment is Buddha. The Buddha is clear, clear, sentient beings are Buddhas, future Buddhas, Buddhas are accomplished Buddhas. One has become, one has not yet become, it turned out to be one. So Subhuti, the Tathagata, said, ' If there is me, there is no me.' I am a pseudonym, I am not me, then there must be me, but ordinary people don't think so, think it is me. He thought I said I was me, said I was not me, we can understand from what we said. As we say fire, fire is not fire. When talking about fire, it is not fire, but fire, not burning our mouths, burning our tongues, this pseudonym. But if you don't say fire, how can people understand that you mean fire? Let me understand here that this is a false statement. What about Buddha? Buddha is not Buddha, that's the meaning. So Subhuti, the Tathagata, said, ' If there is me, there is no me.' Tathagata said: I am not me. However, ordinary people are persistent, saying that I am not him or you, saying that I am me, respectively. Buddha said: Ordinary people think there is me. The Buddha was afraid of Subhuti clinging to the common people. The Tathagata said, ' The common people are not common people, but common people.' Every diamond sutra has a 30% discount, a pseudonym that follows the world, and an explicit truth. No, after that, they follow the world, so all Buddhas become Buddhas, and they also show that they are just like people. Just understand this truth. The Tathagata said that I am pure in nature, and that I am always happy and pure. I am always happy and clean, not ordinary people who are greedy, angry, stupid, ignorant and false, but I am false. Buddha said that I am always happy and I am clean and virtuous. Therefore, the ordinary people think it is me, and the ordinary people have me, some people, and some people's opinions. That is the ordinary people. Why? Is there birth and death in the heart of the common man, so it is called the common man. The heart of a saint has no birth and death. He is not the common man. The man who has realized Prajnaparamita is not the common man. The man who has lost the Prajnaparamita is the common man. Therefore, ordinary people are not ordinary people, and when ordinary people realize prajnaparamita, they are not ordinary people. Another kind of said, the heart can have some, can have some ordinary, the heart is incompetent, is not ordinary, is the equality law, the law is equal. It is the equality of the law and there is no superiority or inferiority, that is to say, the suspicion is completely removed, the transcendence is immediately entered, and Bodhi is established. That is the Buddha, and all beings are equal. Subhuti, what do you mean by cloud? Can you view the Tathagata in 32 phases? Subhuti, do you think Buddhism is thirty-two and eighty good? Subhuti said: So it is. Yes, it is like this. I view the Tathagata in 32 phases. The Buddha said Subhuti: If you look at the Tathagata in 32 phases, the wheel of the holy king is the Tathagata. If you think of yourself as a Tathagata with 32 phases, you are wrong. Why? There are also 32 phases in the runner king. isn't that why the runner king has become a Buddha? Hearing this, Subhuti made a wrong answer, so he quickly corrected it. Subhuti White Buddha said: Buddha, as I understand the meaning of Buddha, should not view the Tathagata in 32 phases. How should we view the Tathagata? Therefore, the dharma body is not a phase. Tathagata: such as person, such as motionless; Newcomers, come and not come. Should appear in the world, should appear. Dharma is dharma body, because Subhuti's perseverance has not been completely eliminated and there is still this problem. Therefore, the Buddha has raised such a question mark for him. It is supposed to be asked, but Subhuti does not know the meaning of Buddha, so he answered it easily and did not intend to answer it. If so, he is right. Buddha said he was wrong. What should he do? After the Buddha said this, he knew and understood that he did not view the Tathagata in 32 phases, because the runner king has 32 phases and is the same as the Buddha. The runner king is far from the Tathagata. How can he compare with the Tathagata? He saw that his thoughts and worries were not broken, so Subhuti immediately turned around and said that if I understood the meaning of Buddha and said that Buddha asked me, I answered casually. If you ask me further, I know what you mean. You should not look at the Tathagata with the thirty-two phases. You should not look at the Buddha with the thirty-two phases. Now Subhuti is completely clear. At this Prajna meeting, Subhuti has entered the realm of Great Bodhisattva. He is not the original two-way person, but only the person and me. He has already entered the court of justice, so he should not reply小丑带着一群坏人来进攻了,我可是在书上看到过,他以前,灭了很多城市,一直没人打得过他,就在人们没办法时,有五个元素战士用一把枪把他封印起来了,没想到他怎么又出来了,我们只能躲在家里,靠着望眼镜来观察外面的状况,小丑讲很多家破坏了,并杀死了很多乐高人,就在快要炸掉城市时,五个元素战士冲了出来,击退了很多怪物,最后把小丑击败了,看着保护家园的元素战士,一种强烈的想当元素战士的情感油然而生。红、黄、蓝、黑和我,也就是绿,共同决定去参加元素五年一度的元素战士选拨赛。首先,我们需要有很快的反应能力,四面八方都会有铁球悬浮在空中,任何一个铁球随时都会掉下来把我们压成泥。我一会跳过去,一会跳过来,一个也没打中,接下来又要有速度,一个个冲得比汽车还猛。最后,我们要用一堆破烂零件造东西,可以合作,我立刻叫来了红、黄、蓝、黑,我们用这些零件造了个巨大的机器人,每个部分都有一个人来操控,开始战斗就有人的东西坏了,我们接着去了小丑住的地方,听小丑的下一步计划,小丑一直抱怨皇帝不让他全国搜捕,他想了想,忽然叫了一声:“对啊!我可以把皇帝杀掉,然后自己再坐上皇位”。我想去告诉皇帝,但又怕皇帝不信,所以我们想出了个办法,小丑应该会制造一个大麻烦,让皇帝派走所有的守卫,再去偷偷杀掉皇帝,我们要在守卫刚走就立刻去告诉皇帝,小丑要来杀他,如果时间不够,小丑出门,红、黄、蓝和黑会去拦住小丑,让小丑越晚越好。果然,小丑派兵在很多地方制造了大麻烦,皇帝那派点兵,这派点兵,兵就没有了,我赶紧跑进皇宫里把事情告诉了皇帝,还让皇帝跟官员说,如果小丑来了,问他去哪了,你们就说我出去有事,很快就回来了。然后皇帝就和我出去把士兵们带回来,皇帝回来后小丑还没来,我就趁机躲在桌子下,又过来一会儿,小丑终于来了,这次小丑又给皇帝送来了一台乐高电脑,并教皇帝在上面玩游戏,皇帝玩的都停不下来了,小丑偷偷拿出了一把剑,用力向皇帝刺去,我使用木元素把剑挡住了有的还散架了,有的一踩就碎,有的一碰就碎,但最后还有一位强者靠着会飞来躲到现在,我们启动所以炮弹来炸他。最终,他在最后一刻被打了下来,我们胜了,还要五个乐高人也被留了下来接受训练跟着定位装置,我们到了一座火山脚下,我们坐着车一路开进了云里,可又不像云,因为云没有这么大一片的,听了当地居民的谈话,才知道这叫云海,在云海里的视线越来越模糊,能见度越来越低了,只能看见距离两米内的东西,突然,前面出现一块大石头,但司机有惊无险的躲了过去,可是又有一块大石头从山上飞了下来,车子也被撞到了很远的地方,还好经验丰富的老司机带我们走出了云海,来到了山上的火山脚下,一下车,我便马上冻的全身发抖,但我一转身,又被热得像夏天里的狗一样,真是冰火两重天啊!我们走着走着就要爬火山才行了,我们艰难的抓着山上突出的石头,一步一步往上爬,才爬到一半,黄就支撑不住了,他提醒我们别太累了时,脚没踩稳,掉了下去,但还好下面有个小平台,可黄还是受伤了,我们让黑去把黄送往附近的医院,其余人继续前进。等我们到山顶时,突然从旁边飞来了一桶油,让火山喷出了一点岩浆,差点溅到我身上来,幸好我躲得快,红和蓝一下子冲上去,想抓住扔油桶的人,但他们还不知道是小丑干的,此时,小丑又逃了,可我们再次用追踪器定位时,却发现定位显示在火山里,我们虽然觉得不可能,但还是去造了一艘高温潜水艇,再穿上防高温服,再叫上恢复了的黄,就开始下潜了,下潜一千米后还没见到任何可疑的东西,正当队员们准备放弃时,忽然出现一个房子一样的建筑,我们进去一看,什么也没找到,我们只好出去外面继续下潜,可温度升到四千度时已经不能再下潜了,已经是极限温度了,可定位显示小丑还在更深处,我们又不能下去抓小丑,也不能空手回去,我们只好把希望放在那像房子一样的建筑里,我们思考了很久也没想出一个办法我找到了他们并说明了情况后,市长又派了一百个乐高士兵去支援我们,二队也答应去支援我们。在过去的路上,我一直在通过装在红身上的微型摄像头找到他们。那个城堡的主人果然是小丑,他一副高兴的样子说:“这不是元素战士吗?想不到你们也有今天”。可小丑忽然又不高兴了,说:“怎么少了一个,绿呢?绿在哪?你们把他藏哪了”?“如果绿带着带着其他乐高人来救你们,你们就活不了了,他们关进监狱去”。小丑淡淡的说:“监狱里什么也没有,而且旁边关的都是前几天失踪的人,有些有用的可以去做士兵、?师和清洁工,没用的只可以被关着,并且只能吃别人吃的剩饭,有时候没有还吃不了。所以有人已经撑不住了,被活活饿死了”。我听到小丑说只能我一个人去救红他们,否则小丑就会杀了他们,但如果我不带士兵和二队,那我肯定打不过小丑,如果我带了军队,小丑又会把红他们杀掉,在我想不出办法时,白一看我这样,问我是不是有什么事,我把刚才看到的告诉白一,白一叫上了白二、白三、白四、白五一起来想办法,最后我们决定先让士兵造一百个救生船,然后我去城堡里吸引小丑的注意力,尽量拖延时间让二队去救红他们,再让五十个士兵去救其他被关在这里的乐高人,再留五十个士兵到大门口等我消息来支援我。我走到小丑面前,和小丑聊天,聊了很久,原来跟小丑聊天这么容易啊,我还以为小丑会怀疑呢,可小丑好像看出了我细微的变化,叫了诗歌乐高人去外面看看,回来后小丑一数。怎么只有九个回来了,这九个乐高人说他们中计了,有好多士兵在外面,那个乐高人死了。我知道情况不妙,赶紧呼叫了外面的士兵。然后小丑就让所有的乐高人来杀我,就在一堆乐高人围攻我,而且士兵又没来时,刚才那九个士兵跳过来,杀了好多小丑的军队,原来那九个乐高人分别是红、黄、蓝、黑、白一、白二、白三、白四、白五,我们一起战斗,打败了很多小丑的乐高人,最后我们去抓小丑,小丑坐上船逃了,我们也坐船追,市长也派了很多乐高军人一起去追小丑。就在快要抓住小丑时,小丑从船里拿出一个盒子,我们决定可能是什么危险的武器,一下子跳到他的船上按住了那个盒子,我们正想把盒子夺过来,黑却把盒子打掉在船上,盒子打开了。把我们和小丑一起吸了进去。第二天,我们凌晨四点就去了比赛地点,可我们一看,签名都排了五十个乐高人了,看他们一个个都很镇定的站在那,好像什么都不怕似的,我往前面一看,小丑竟然排在第一个,但好像有人不乐意似的,都动手打起来了,小丑把那个乐高人打的半死不活,旁边走来了一个官员,那个乐高人还指望官员替他主持公道,可是那个官员不但不说小丑,还给了这个乐高人一巴掌,并把那个乐高人踢出了这场比赛。后面的乐高人都紧握拳头,脸上写满了愤怒,但这又怎么样呢?没有人敢动小丑了,他们怕也被小丑给踢出去。我们知道他和皇帝有点关系,但也不能这样欺负乐高人啊,我们在这里肯定是不能动手打小丑的,这里这么多士兵和官员,都和小丑是一伙的。比赛中我进行的还算比较顺利,一直到了最后,小丑也还在场,他前面打败了好多很厉害,很强壮的乐高人,他毕竟是以前所有坏人的首领,我使出了所有学过的招式,但我明显打的比小丑吃力,我使用了元素之您知道吗?如果您口腔中镶嵌的假牙是含金属的烤瓷冠,在您需要做头颅x线、CT、核磁共振检查时,将会受到影响甚至拆除。非金属的二氧化锆对x线却无任何阻挡,只要镶入二氧化锆烤瓷牙,日后需头颅x线、CT、核磁共振检查时都不需要拆掉假牙,省去很多麻烦力,但小丑作弊,用麻醉针给我打了一头狮子的分量,明明裁判正好可以看见小丑作弊,洛溪是一只来自北方的老鼠,因为数爸爸要到南方去工作,于是洛溪一家就搬到了四季如春的滨海城市。刚来到一座全新的城市洛溪尽管很不习惯,但他对新的环境还是充满了好奇心。这座城市的街道弯弯曲曲的,一会高一会低洛溪走起来很累。“啪'的一声,路边的树上掉下来一个圆圆的黄澄澄的果子,差点砸到洛溪身上,他慌忙往边上一跳,仔细的看了看地上的果子,”哇“!洛溪惊喜的发现,原来是芒果!芒果也是洛溪一直喜欢吃的一种水果。原来在这座城市的路边栽满了芒果树,随处都可以看到掉在地上已经熟透了的芒果。洛溪立刻就喜欢上了这座城市。这座城市街道的两边栽着各种各样的树木,洛溪很多都不认识。看!那长着长长的胡须的是树爷爷吗?那一层一层像一把雨伞的是小雨伞树吗?”这个!这个!“洛溪高兴的跳起来,这一片树他认识,”这是椰子树!“洛溪喜欢喝的椰汁,就是这种树结的果实。这座城市不断地给洛溪带来惊喜,同时也有一些烦恼。就是晚上和妈妈一起散步时,经常能看到好大的”小强“在路上飞快地穿行。吓得洛溪和妈妈经常会跳跃着走路,不时会带来路人诧异的目光。好在惊喜多过烦恼,洛溪也就愉快的接受了新的环境但裁判视而不见,直接宣布小丑胜利,他是新一任大将军。从眼睛里的缝隙里我看二氧化锆烤瓷牙具有极高的品质,说其品质高不仅因为其材料,设备昂贵,更因为其运用了当今最先进的计算机辅助设计、激光扫描,再这天洛溪准备和妈妈一起去吃肯德基. 美味的鸡翅和鸡排刚放到桌子上,洛溪的口水就要流下来了。这是从门口进来一个风尘仆仆的母鸡,她悲痛欲绝的和厨师说:“我请求你杀了我,我要和我的孩子们在一。”厨师傲慢的看了一眼母鸡说:“你现在还不能死,你的任务是养育许多供我们食用的小鸡,这是你的荣誉,你应该感到自豪!”母鸡看了一眼厨师说:“我们想尽了一切办法,试图摆脱任人宰割,供人食用的困境,但每次的行动都以失败告终,不管如何的折腾,人们都在不停的钻研各种吃鸡的方法,炸鸡扒鸡烧鸡炖鸡。真是到了炉火纯青的境界!”母鸡说完,愤然的跳进热水里,用自己的翅膀掩盖住了孩子的尸体。。。。。。洛溪惊呆了,一股热泪涌上了双眼,望着手里的鸡翅,洛溪再也感觉不到它的香味了。洛溪决定以后再也不吃肯德基了。后来洛溪给海滨市长写了一封建议信,希望把鸡列入珍奇动物保护行列。洛溪耳边总能回想一个公益广告里面的话:“没有买卖就没有伤害!” 洛溪希望从自己做起。洛溪最近总感觉看东西模模糊糊的,一检查视力,原来眼睛近视了。于是,洛溪就到医院配了一个眼镜。带上眼镜后,洛溪顿时感到眼前明亮起来,心情立刻变好了。慢慢的,洛溪发现自己心情不好的时候,一带上眼镜,怒火就没了。洛溪惊喜的发现,原来这是一款魔法眼镜。学校里,有两个同学因为撞到一起,大声吵了起来,洛溪马上给他们带上了眼镜,两个人很快就和好了,成为了朋友;一个过马路的小女孩在路边左右徘徊,不敢贸然的过马路,洛溪跑过去说:“我带你过马路吧。”小女孩说:“谢谢!”路上小女孩说她一出生就看不见东西,如果能给她一天光明,她希望能看一看这个世界,能看一看她的爸爸妈妈。看着小女孩痛苦的表情,洛溪的心情一下子沉重起来,忽然,洛溪想起了自己的眼镜,她急忙追上小女孩说:“我有一副眼镜,你带上试一试。”洛溪摘下眼镜,戴在小女孩脸上,小女孩的心情立刻变好了,高兴的对洛溪说:“尽管我看不见树是什么样子,但我能听见树的声音;尽管我看不到太阳是什么样子,但我能感觉到太阳的温暖;尽管我看不到爸爸妈妈的样子,但我知道他们都很爱我,谢谢你,让我知道自己也是拥有很多的人。”洛溪发现这幅眼镜太神奇了,简直就是一个宝贝。越来越多的人因为这幅眼镜的影响变得幸福起来,越来越多的人感觉这个世界变得温暖了,友善了,和谐了,人的心也变得纯洁起来。洛溪希望有一天自己戴着这幅神奇的眼镜去猫国,让两国关系好起来,老鼠们再也不怕猫了,猫也不会在老鼠面前趾高气扬了,洛溪一直期待那一天的到来 第四章 整容洛溪从小到大一直都听妈妈讲:“猫家族和我们是天敌,一定不要去猫国王,如果路上不小心遇到猫,就要赶快逃走!”洛溪一直不明白,老鼠为什么不能和猫成为朋友呢?这天洛溪在电视中,看到了一个动画片叫《汤姆和杰瑞》。洛溪很崇拜动画片里的那只叫Jerry的老鼠。洛溪看完动画片仿佛明白了,只要长得漂亮,就不会再怕猫了。于是,洛溪来到滨海城最大的一个美容院,听说这里长得难看的人进去后,也能变得好看,洛溪兴奋了,他决定进去整容。过了好久,整形手术终于完成了。洛溪看着镜子,惊奇的发现他连自己都认不出自己了。洛溪走在大街上,整个滨海城轰动了,好多大人小孩儿围着洛溪拍照。电视台请他去参加节目,滨海城的市长也接见了洛溪,一时间洛克成为了名人。洛克感觉自己很有自信了,于是就乘车来到猫王国,他骄傲地对猫们说我:“看!我现在有多强大,我可以很容易就打败你们了。”于是,洛溪就和一支叫做加菲的猫进行决斗,结果洛溪惨败而归。洛溪终于知道了,漂亮的外表,不如有一个聪明的大脑由计算机程序控制研磨制作而成,尽显完美见红他们把我抬回床上,然后我就睡着了,我醒来时红他们说我已经睡了三天三夜,小丑已经把他能管的地方全部派兵搜捕我们,因为他和皇帝闹了点小矛盾,所以他不可以全国搜捕,说完蓝就给我拿了碗饭,我飞快的吃了下去,我完全恢复后就问二队怎么样了。 

        有句玩笑说,但凡蟑螂能存活的地方,就会有人烟。这里荒凉的估计连蟑螂也活不下去,所以这一带见不到人烟。
       这里是丹吉林沙漠,此刻我在它的西侧。
      又开了有两个多小时,快要接近沙漠的西南边缘,在天际线尽头,隐约见到竖立着三个建筑。GPS显示,是酒泉卫星发射塔。卫星发射塔选在这儿,的确有它的道理。只不过,这儿离酒泉还有上百里路。

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      夜晚在金塔镇住下。在这方圆几百里的盐碱戈壁滩上,金塔要算是个大镇。

        躺在旅店床上,翻看着杨显惠先生的那本【夹边沟纪实】,计划明天一大早,去趟夹边沟。
       西北的天,要比北京亮的稍晚。一大早,天刚蒙蒙亮就上了路。从金塔镇到夹边沟,走的是条县道。
        一般高速或国道途经村镇,路两侧民房的墙面,会做些面子工程。在乡道上就没这些了,基本上原汁原味,能接地气。

      
       沿途的村落,破旧的土坯房依旧不少,看得出,这一带至今也并不富裕。荒滩里开垦出一块块农田,在未开荒的地里,白花花的盐碱清晰可见。传说这一带打井,打出十口有八口是盐水井。

       
       依杨显惠的说法,上世纪五十年代,夹边沟一带还是黄沙漫漫。尚存的一点贫瘠土地里,大部分也已沙化,而且盐碱严重。(防失联请复制加微信:s99yao 注明读者)

       
       夹边沟劳改农场始建于1954年,到了57年,随着“反右”运动兴起,“右派”份子越来越多,于是把这里改成了专门收容右派分子的劳改场。 
       按正统说法,劳改场始建的初衷是好的,一方面,犯错误的人通过劳动,自食其力,可以重新做人。另一方面,通过他们的劳动,可以改变这里恶劣的自然环境,垦荒治沙,重建绿洲,于国于民于己都是好事,造福了子孙后代。
       这话乍听挺有道理,没啥毛病,可禁不住细想。当年若是派些专业的垦荒队过来垦荒,这说法靠谱。可是,若是让那些“犯了错误”的“右派”份子们干这活儿,可就离谱了。都明白,当年羁押过来的“右派”,绝大部分是知识分子,有几经周折海归的教授学者,有大学的校长,有专业工程师,还有不少学校教员及大学生等等。其中虽也有战争闯过来的老革命、老干部及工人等,但他们的比重相对少。


       对于这些学识渊博,思维敏捷,却“手无束鸡之力”的一代学者书生,强迫他们开垦戈壁沙地,挖沟排碱,实在强人所难了。其后果是,羁押过来三千多的“右派”分子,终日劳作,积劳成疾,又赶上那年代的大饥荒,三年过去,三千多人活下来不足三百,酿成这惨绝人寰的人间悲剧。
       有一种观点,认为回看历史时,不能脱离当时的社会语境。当年陈布文在她的【春天的来客】里,有这样一段描述: (时间是五七年反右运动前夕,在一次群众大会上,一位市负责宣传的官员发言)  
       他冷笑了几声,狠狠的抽几口烟说:“就算我们有一点左的教条主义吧,可是左,总是为了保卫党的事业,不过犯了一点急躁病而已,可是右,却是要出卖我们的事业,明白吗?同志们,要警惕,右的机会主义就在这个时候会来钻我们的空子!他们要扮着主角来登场!同志们,这就是我们这次大会的收获。会议再一次教训我们,随时随地警惕敌人,不管他化装得多么巧妙!”
       这属于那个时代,是那个时代的语境。人们都在用“阶级”这个概念,对社会上所有的人和事权衡归类,在那时,“阶级斗争”不仅是手段,而且是目的。人与人之间,非“友”即“敌”,是摆在眼前看得见摸得着的“你死我活”的现实。     
       从那时起,人性爱的光辉被熄灭,在社会上,人性的爱成为了反动的东西,遭到唾弃。
       我记得过去看过一幅油画,画中有两位年轻母亲,怀里抱着各自的婴儿,婴儿在吸吮母乳。画面很恬静,充满了人性的爱,这是人类之初心,是人之本。
       当人们用“阶级斗争”否定“人之本”,否定人世间有普世价值时,人间的惨剧就诞生了。 
    
                            二
       到达夹边沟,大约上午9点。不宽的乡道出现一个岔路口。迎面有个大牌子,写着[夹边沟林场]几个字。右拐,是夹边沟村。去村里看看,我想着就拐进了村。
       正赶上疫情还没完,村里空荡荡的。
 
       往前走,见一户人家门口,有个年轻人正修着摩托车。我停车摇下窗户,问:“小兄弟,打听个事儿,很早以前这里有个劳改农场,你知道现在遗址在什么位置?”
         “遗址?”年轻人抬头看了看我,有些茫然,随后摇了摇头,说:“这没遗址,我不知道。”
       说罢,低下头鼓捣他的车了。我道了谢,继续往前开,眼看要出村,瞧见一位老汉,正在自家门前菜地里翻地。    
     

       我停下车,考虑疫情时期,怕人家不适应就没下车。我打开车门,跟老汉打招呼。
         “老哥,忙着呢?跟您打听个事儿。”我说。
       老汉停下了手里的活儿,朝我笑着点点头。我告诉他我从外地过来办事,特意绕了个道来这里看看,他问我打哪来,我说北京。老人很热情,也很善谈,我说我很想知道点夹边沟以前的事儿,他略想了想,说在他印象中,他们家迁这儿之前,夹边沟这一带没什么人居住,那会儿只是听年纪大的人说,以前这里是有个劳改场,关犯人的,可是早没了。他家搬来那会儿,劳改农场就没了,那会儿他才十来岁,如今他都七十多了。
       我问,“您印象中,刚来那会儿劳改农场遗址是个啥样?”他朝西边用手指了指,说:“就那边有片林子,说是当年劳改犯人栽的,后头有些破房子,地窑洞,劳改犯住的,多少年了,塌的塌,拆的拆,都没了。”
       “您是说夹边沟林场?”沿老汉指的方向,我问。
       “嗯!”他点点头。
       他说那个林场一直都在,后来陆续迁过来的庄家人多了,有不少当地人也去了林场。树年年都在种,如今他也分不清哪些是以前的,哪些是后栽的。
       “还有,”老汉说着指了指不远处的农田,他说有些地是早先那些人留下的,后来这儿村民多了,也开垦出不少。

我坐在树下 僕は三十七歳で、そのときボーイング747のシートに座っていた。その巨大な飛行機はぶ厚い雨雲をくぐり抜けて降下し、ハンブルク空港に着陸しようとしているところだった。十一月の冷ややかな雨が大地を暗く染め、雨合羽を着た整備工たちや、のっぺりとした空港ビルの上に立った旗や、BMWの広告板やそんな何もかもをフランドル派の陰うつな絵の背景のように見せていた。やれやれ、またドイツか、と僕は思った。
  飛行機が着地を完了すると禁煙のサインが消え、天井のスピーカーから小さな音でBGMが流れはじめた。それはどこかのオーケストラが甘く演奏するビートルズの 「ノルウェイの森」だった。そしてそのメロディーはいつものように僕を混乱させた。いや、いつもとは比べものにならないくらい激しく僕を混乱させ揺り動かした。
  僕は頭がはりさけてしまわないように身をかがめて両手で顔を覆い、そのままじっとしていた。やがてドイツ人のスチュワーデスがやってきて、気分がわるいのかと英語で訊いた。大丈夫、少し目まいがしただけだと僕は答えた。
  「本当に大丈夫?」
  「大丈夫です、ありがとう」と僕は言った。スチュワーデスはにっこりと笑って行ってしまい、音楽はビリー?ジョエルの曲に変った。僕は顔を上げて北海の上空に浮かんだ暗い雲を眺め、自分がこれまでの人生の過程で失ってきた多くのもののことを考えた。失われた時間、死にあるいは去っていった人々、もう戻ることのない想い。
  飛行機が完全にストップして、人々がシートベルトを外し、物入れの中からバッグやら上着やらをとりだし始めるまで、僕はずっとあの草原の中にいた。僕は草の匂いをかぎ、肌に風を感じ、鳥の声を聴いた。それは一九六九年の秋で、僕はもうすぐ二十歳になろうとしていた。
  前と同じスチュワーデスがやってきて、僕の隣りに腰を下ろし、もう大丈夫かと訊ねた。
  「大丈夫です、ありがとう。ちょっと哀しくなっただけだから(It‘s all right now. Thank you. I only felt lonely, you know.)」と僕は言って微笑んだ。
  「Well, I feel same way, same thing, once in a while. I know what you mean.(そういうこと私にもときどきありますよ。よくわかります)」彼女はそう言って首を振り、席から立ちあがってとても素敵な笑顔を僕に向けてくれた。「I hope you‘ll have a nice trip. Auf Wiedersehen!(よい御旅行を。さようなら)」
  「Auf Wiedersehen!」と僕も言った。
  十八年という歳月が過ぎ去ってしまった今でも、僕はあの草原の風景をはっきりと思いだすことができる。何日かつづいたやわらかな雨に夏のあいだのほこりをすっかり洗い流された山肌は深く鮮かな青みをたたえ、十月の風はすすきの穂をあちこちで揺らせ、細長い雲が凍りつくような青い天頂にぴたりとはりついていた。空は高く、じっと見ていると目が痛くなるほどだった。風は草原をわたり、彼女の髪をかすかに揺らせて雑木林に抜けていった。梢の葉がさらさらと音を立て、遠くの方で犬の鳴く声が聞こえた。まるで別の世界の入口から聞こえてくるような小さくかすんだ鳴き声だった。その他にはどんな物音もなかった。どんな物音も我々の耳には届かなかった。誰一人ともすれ違わなかった。まっ赤な鳥が二羽草原の中から何かに怯えたようにとびあがって雑木林の方に飛んでいくのを見かけただけだった。歩きながら直子は僕に井戸の話をしてくれた。
  記憶というのはなんだか不思議なものだ。その中に実際に身を置いていたとき、僕はそんな風景に殆んど注意なんて払わなかった。とくに印象的な風景だとも思わなかったし、十八年後もその風展を細部まで覚えているかもしれないとは考えつきもしなかった。正直なところ、そのときの僕には風景なんてどうでもいいようなものだったのだ。僕は僕自身のことを考え、そのときとなりを並んで歩いていた一人の美しい女のことを考え、僕と彼女とのことを考え、そしてまた僕自身のことを考えた。それは何を見ても何を感じても何を考えても、結局すべてはブーメランのように自分自身の手もとに戻ってくるという年代だったのだ。おまけに僕は恋をしていて、その恋はひどくややこしい場所に僕を運びこんでいた。まわりの風景に気持を向ける余裕なんてどこにもなかったのだ。
  でも今では僕の脳裏に最初に浮かぶのはその草原の風景だ。草の匂い、かすかな冷やかさを含んだ風、山の稜線、犬の鳴く声、そんなものがまず最初に浮かびあがってくる。とてもくっきりと。それらはあまりにくっきりとしているので、手をのばせばひとつひとつ指でなぞれそうな気がするくらいだ。しかしその風景の中には人の姿は見えない。誰もいない。直子もいないし、僕もいない。我々はいったいどこに消えてしまったんだろう、と僕は思う。どうしてこんなことが起りうるんだろう、と。あれほど大事そうに見えたものは、彼女やそのときの僕や僕の世界は、みんなどこに行ってしまったんだろう、と。そう、僕には直子の顔を今すぐ思いだすことさえできないのだ。僕が手にしているのは人影のない背泉だけなのだ。
  もちろん時間さえかければ僕は彼女の顔を思いだすことができる。小さな冷たい手や、さらりとした手ざわりのまっすぐなきれいな髪や、やわらかな丸い形の耳たぶやそのすぐ下にある小さなホクロや、冬になるとよく着ていた上品なキャメルのコートや、いつも相手の目をじっとのぞきこみながら質問する癖や、ときどき何かの加減で震え気味になる声(まるで強風の吹く丘の上でしゃべっているみたいだった)や、そんなイメージをひとつひとつ積みかさねていくと、ふっと自然に彼女の顔が浮かびあがってくる。まず横顔が浮かびあがってくる。これはたぶん僕と直子がいつも並んで歩いていたせいだろう。だから僕が最初に思いだすのはいつも彼女の横顔なのだ。それから彼女は僕の方を向き、にっこりと笑い、少し首をかしげ、話しかけ、僕の目をのぞきこむ。まるで澄んだ泉の底をちらりとよぎる小さな魚の影を探し求めるみたいに。个部位,直到把我痛晕。当我醒来时,我身边全是乐高,他们在忙那忙这,看着他们劳动的样子,我入神了。但我似乎也变成了个乐高人,头圆圆的,只有两根手指。我不知道自己来到了什么样的世界,我居然听得懂他们的语言,他们也并没有把我当成陌生的另类。虽然没看到自己,但我感觉到,我应该是成为了他们的一员。我身上没有一点儿钱,可我又找不到工作,还好快不行时遇见了一位好心的乐高人,他给了我点钱,并给我介绍了一份工作。我问他叫什么,他说他叫红,想成为一名元素战士。他还给我介绍了三位朋友,分别是蓝、黄和黑。认识了他们后,红想让我加入他们去寻找他爷爷没找到的宝藏,我爽快地答应了。但找了这么久,半点线索都没找着,我只好去找红,他家门是开的,我问了一声就进去了,见到一个小盒子,打开后里面放起了一首美妙的歌曲,盖子还刻着一棵大柳树。我听到有声音从我背后飘来,红竟然在哭,“对不起”,我轻轻地对他说。“没关系,只是…想…想起了爷爷,他…还在时,很喜欢听这首歌”。红断断续续地说。我忽然明白了什么,对他悄悄地说:“这和钟楼正中午时放的音乐一样”!红惊喜的盯着我,并召集了所有成员(黑、蓝、黄),并叫我绿,我们一起在钟楼那里观察,虽然我们日复一日地观察,可完全看不出有什么线索,就在大家快放弃时,我忽然想到那棵大柳树,城市里只有一棵。果然,正中午时镜子反射的光到土地上,我们找到了个拼图,我们拼完后就出现了一个通往地底的通道,我们走到最低下时发现了一条河和一艘船,我们决定坐船前行。我们完全没察觉到有坏人已经盯上我们了,水越来越汹涌,忽然,黑大叫的喊:“不好了,前面是瀑布,快把船停下来”。眼看就要掉下去时,红突然把绳套紧在岩石上,并叫我们帮忙拉,经过我们的一番努力,终于把船停下了。我们找到了个平台,那儿有一个大门,中间有一个小圆,里面有一棵大柳树的印子,我们找了好久都没找到打开门的方法,这时,一直没说话的蓝发话了,说:“我们也许可以用那个盒子试一下”。不试不知道,一试就知道,门一下子就打开了,里面全是黄金珠宝,但是,坏人们突然进来了,修炼就是夺天夺地夺他人之造化,虽然谈不上人吃人,但是生死却是必须看透。   所以死而复生对于他来说绝对是幸事,更何况重生到了洪荒,更是无上的大机缘。   虽然这里天仙遍地走,金仙不如狗,但是只要活着就有希望,反正他也是死过一次的人了。   接着龙珏很快就进入一种玄奥的状态,同时不周山的灵气也是疯狂的凝聚起来。   “不周龙脉!”不知道过了多长时间,龙珏终于清醒了过来,心中激动不已。。   刚刚他获得这一句身体的传承,他竟然是不周山的龙脉之一。不周山的龙脉是什么?乃是整个洪荒的灵气之祖,也是整个洪荒的气运所聚。   他虽然是不周山内山上一个不起眼的龙脉,但这是不周山,放在外面也是一个巨型龙脉。要是在后世,这就是一个祖龙脉,可以帮助一个门派立下万世根基。   而且他是一个有灵智的龙脉,更是可以自己修炼,凝聚天地间的灵气,自动进化。   整个不周山一共有十大祖龙脉,每一个龙脉都是巨大无比,比起传说中的昆仑山或者海外三仙岛都是不差丝毫。   但是这里可是不周山,擎天之柱,虽然很多大能在这里修炼,却是没有一个人敢挪移或者私自占有这些龙脉,因为只要谁挪移了这龙脉,那么恐怖的业力,即使圣人也要立刻暴毙。   而龙珏却是靠着吞噬这些龙脉而成长,甚至最后一举吞噬这十大祖龙脉也不是不可能。,Subhuti, what do you mean by cloud? If you are reading, I should be a sentient being. Subhuti, don't do is read, why? There is no such thing as a Buddha. If there is a sentient being called Tathagata, the Tathagata has four phases: I, man, sentient being and longevity. Subhuti means: Tathagata, have the heart of sentient beings. Subhuti thinks: Tathagata has the heart to help all living beings. Does he have this heart? Buddha is asking him: Subhuti, what is the meaning of cloud? What do you think? In other words, what do you think of this matter, this problem? Do you mean that the Tathagata has the heart to relieve sentient beings? It is wrong to say the Diamond Sutra. You should not call the Tathagata's work a thought. Don't think that the Tathagata says that the Vajrayana Sutra is to save all living beings. Don't think that the Tathagata is to save all living beings. I should be a sentient being. The Buddha is called Subhuti. Don't have this view. Don't think that the Tathagata says the Vajra Prajna Paramita Sutra is for sentient beings. This is wrong. Subhuti, what do you mean to say: Tathagata has the heart to take care of all living beings. Buddha sent Subhuti's suspicion to him. Buddha said that this sutra of Vajra Prajna Paramita does not have a mind of sentient beings, so don't think about it. Why? The essence of all living beings is Buddha, and all living beings are Buddha. This is the Mahayana doctrine. In particular, the Hua Yan Sutra is devoted to this issue, which is contained in many volumes of scriptures. It is said that all sentient beings are Buddhas. If the Tathagata is to make all sentient beings Buddhas, this is a lie. What do you mean by lying? It is me, human beings, sentient beings and longevity, not only I, what I think, this is what I think and what I think in my heart. Although all sentient beings have Buddha nature, if it is said that if it is not because of Buddha, how can he realize? With what practice can one become a Buddha? It is we who hear the Buddha's words, and only by listening to the Buddha's words can we realize this truth and become Buddhists. This Buddha tells us that Buddha transforms sentient beings into beings without transforming them. Buddha does not transform the mind of sentient beings and no sentient beings are transformed by Buddha. This is the characteristic of Vajrayana Sutra. This is why it is different from other Sutras. The Buddha has repeatedly instructed Subhuti that you must not have this kind of thought. You must not say that the Tathagata is for the sake of sentient beings, whether it is the Tathagata saying, the Tathagata practicing, or the Tathagata coming out of the world. Many other sutras say that the great cause of Buddha's birth is the salvation of all living beings. The Diamond Sutra sends out this thought and tells Subhuti that you should not have this idea. Why not call you this idea because of Buddha's salvation of all living beings and why? Subhuti, don't do is read, what reason? The reason is very simple, there is really no such thing as Buddha, so I ask you not to say that Buddha can do it. Because there is really no sentient being, such as Buddha. If there are sentient beings such as Buddha, Buddha has me, human beings, sentient beings and longevity. If the Buddha wants to have this idea, I will have the idea of sentient beings, I will have the idea of sentient beings, I am Buddha, and sentient beings are sentient beings, then the Buddha has four distinct phases: I, human beings, sentient beings and longevity. In fact, the Buddha does not have me, human beings and sentient beings. Therefore, the Buddha enjoins Subbodhi that you do not have the idea of Buddha's idea of sentient beings, and at the same time you do not have doubts. Therefore, tell him not to do is to read, that is what this means. Don't do this, Buddha has no sentient beings to be able to live, no sentient beings to become Buddha, and no Buddha to live. To eliminate this idea, although all sentient beings have Buddha nature, can they be enlightened by themselves if they do not listen to what has been said? What makes you practice to become a Buddha? This is a rhetorical question, that is, let us understand that Buddha is not persistent, nor does he have my own view, human view, sentient beings view, and longevity view. Buddha transforms all living beings into nothing. Buddha transforms all living beings into beings without seeing each other and without being able to transform. There is no Buddha who can be changed, nor is there any sentient beings that can be changed. Let's understand it this way. The meaning is very deep. Let's get rid of all persistence. Because we sentient beings know and see too deeply, especially we draw the common people and Buddha very clearly, which is wrong. For example: Patriarch Danxia, he broke the attachment of the master of a temple, that is, the master monk. Buddha's heart, the heart of all living beings; Buddha's image, sentient beings' image. Persistence is very serious, he went to visit him. Seeing the temple, he went to the main hall. It was winter and the weather was very cold. Patriarch Danxia took down the wooden Buddha statues and split them, lit a fire and baked them. The abbot monk, still can promise him? I started to argue with him. The abbot said: How do you split the Buddha? How did you burn my Buddha statue? He said: I am looking for sarira. The abbot monk said: What relic is in this wood? He said: Oh, there is no sarira in the wood. I'll burn another one if there is no sarira. How do you understand? He is breaking away from this master's knowledge and vision. He is too clear about the Buddha's vision, my vision and all beings' vision. He breaks away from his knowledge and vision. As soon as he burned, he said, ' I am looking for sarira.' Where is the sarira in this place? Where is the sarira in the wooden statue? Why did he worship him without sarira? What is he doing? I'll burn another one and the host will be enlightened. Do you know the reason for his enlightenment? He disavowed his knowledge. Buddha means there is no difference among all beings. The Buddha is wood, not the real Buddha. If we normally regard Buddha statues as wood, can you practice? We really regard the Buddha as the real Buddha. There are several aspects: to a certain kind of person, it is Zen meditation for that old practitioner. he reached the peak and was too clear about the difference between Buddha and sentient beings. Patriarch Danxia broke his belief. This is not something we can use casually. You also went to the temple to take a Buddha statue and split it, then you can commit crimes and shed blood. He didn't, so there is a lot of scripture, don't misunderstand. You must not do that until then. For example, a Zen master, who has been sitting and participating in Zen for 120 years, how can you compare? You can also go there and sit there. how can you compare yourself with him for more than 20 or 30 years? You can only gain by yourself. There was a man selling tofu. when he went to jinshan temple to deliver tofu, he looked at master sitting like this. he said, ' master, one year he also sits like this when delivering tofu, and two years he sits like this. is it any good to sit like this every day?' It must be good. He asked the guest teacher, I also want to sit down. The guest teacher said, ' No, how can you run and sit down?' He said, ' I will not sit inside. the masters will sit inside the door. I will sit outside the door and sit at the back door. is that possible?' The hostess asked him to grind and say, ' okay, okay, you are not allowed to talk or make any noise here.' He sat at the back, waited for a fight, and then said to the guest teacher, ' alas, I have gained a lot from this sitting.' The insider said: What have you gained? He said: I owe me the tofu account three years ago. I have long forgotten it. I remembered several accounts in this sitting. I should go to ask for the account and collect the money. What do you think of this story? How do you understand? Therefore, we should calm down, calm down the crazy heart and floating heart. Like him who has no wisdom, we can realize wisdom. Wisdom can illuminate itself, so-called open wisdom is open mind, open mind is wisdom, simply say wisdom now. Before wisdom comes to light, can it be life or death? In the past, present and future, you have known and completely laid down your body, mind and body, seeing that it is empty, that is the meaning. Buddha does not have sentient beings, nor does he have this idea. I am capable and sentient beings are what I am capable of. If there is such an idea, if he is not a Buddha, he will not succeed, that is the meaning. Subhuti certainly understood, so the Buddha asked Subhuti: Do you think so? The Tathagata's work is to chant me to save all living beings. What if there is such an idea? It is wrong. Subhuti, don't do is read, there is no sentient beings Buddha degree. I'll tell you the truth, in fact, there is not a sentient being who is Buddha. If the Tathagata wants all beings to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be The Buddha has long been dead, without me, human beings, sentient beings and longevity. That's why he said: ' Buddha spends all day without seeing sentient beings.' Because the Buddha knows Subhuti still has doubts, his heart is still not clean, and he still thinks that all living beings are what the Buddha does. All living beings are enlightened by Buddha. Buddha is enlightened by being enlightened, so Buddha wants to be enlightened. Buddha replied: All living beings do not want me to do it, nor do I want to do it. Why? All sentient beings are full of Buddha nature. All sentient beings are Buddha. This everybody can want deep participation, all living beings are Buddha originally, born Buddha has no two, heart and Buddha have no two, no two is one. All sentient beings are Buddhas and are just lost in enlightenment. This truth should be taken into consideration. It's not that scripture can't be told according to the text, but that the participant is thinking. You have to see the body, and the body is the same. No matter what its appearance is, it is the same. For example: wood. If this wood is carved into a Buddha statue, everyone will offer it there and kowtow for worship. If this wood is made into a chair, all of us will sit on it and put it under our buttocks. One kowtows and worships every day and the other sits under his buttocks. Are these two the same? But they are all made of wood. It turns out that they are all made of wood. From this truth, we all realize that the essence is the same, and all living beings and Buddha are one body. He is lost and fallen, that is, all living beings. Has he realized? Enlightenment is Buddha. The Buddha is clear, clear, sentient beings are Buddhas, future Buddhas, Buddhas are accomplished Buddhas. One has become, one has not yet become, it turned out to be one. So Subhuti, the Tathagata, said, ' If there is me, there is no me.' I am a pseudonym, I am not me, then there must be me, but ordinary people don't think so, think it is me. He thought I said I was me, said I was not me, we can understand from what we said. As we say fire, fire is not fire. When talking about fire, it is not fire, but fire, not burning our mouths, burning our tongues, this pseudonym. But if you don't say fire, how can people understand that you mean fire? Let me understand here that this is a false statement. What about Buddha? Buddha is not Buddha, that's the meaning. So Subhuti, the Tathagata, said, ' If there is me, there is no me.' Tathagata said: I am not me. However, ordinary people are persistent, saying that I am not him or you, saying that I am me, respectively. Buddha said: Ordinary people think there is me. The Buddha was afraid of Subhuti clinging to the common people. The Tathagata said, ' The common people are not common people, but common people.' Every diamond sutra has a 30% discount, a pseudonym that follows the world, and an explicit truth. No, after that, they follow the world, so all Buddhas become Buddhas, and they also show that they are just like people. Just understand this truth. The Tathagata said that I am pure in nature, and that I am always happy and pure. I am always happy and clean, not ordinary people who are greedy, angry, stupid, ignorant and false, but I am false. Buddha said that I am always happy and I am clean and virtuous. Therefore, the ordinary people think it is me, and the ordinary people have me, some people, and some people's opinions. That is the ordinary people. Why? Is there birth and death in the heart of the common man, so it is called the common man. The heart of a saint has no birth and death. He is not the common man. The man who has realized Prajnaparamita is not the common man. The man who has lost the Prajnaparamita is the common man. Therefore, ordinary people are not ordinary people, and when ordinary people realize prajnaparamita, they are not ordinary people. Another kind of said, the heart can have some, can have some ordinary, the heart is incompetent, is not ordinary, is the equality law, the law is equal. It is the equality of the law and there is no superiority or inferiority, that is to say, the suspicion is completely removed, the transcendence is immediately entered, and Bodhi is established. That is the Buddha, and all beings are equal. Subhuti, what do you mean by cloud? Can you view the Tathagata in 32 phases? Subhuti, do you think Buddhism is thirty-two and eighty good? Subhuti said: So it is. Yes, it is like this. I view the Tathagata in 32 phases. The Buddha said Subhuti: If you look at the Tathagata in 32 phases, the wheel of the holy king is the Tathagata. If you think of yourself as a Tathagata with 32 phases, you are wrong. Why? There are also 32 phases in the runner king. isn't that why the runner king has become a Buddha? Hearing this, Subhuti made a wrong answer, so he quickly corrected it. Subhuti White Buddha said: Buddha, as I understand the meaning of Buddha, should not view the Tathagata in 32 phases. How should we view the Tathagata? Therefore, the dharma body is not a phase. Tathagata: such as person, such as motionless; Newcomers, come and not come. Should appear in the world, should appear. Dharma is dharma body, because Subhuti's perseverance has not been completely eliminated and there is still this problem. Therefore, the Buddha has raised such a question mark for him. It is supposed to be asked, but Subhuti does not know the meaning of Buddha, so he answered it easily and did not intend to answer it. If so, he is right. Buddha said he was wrong. What should he do? After the Buddha said this, he knew and understood that he did not view the Tathagata in 32 phases, because the runner king has 32 phases and is the same as the Buddha. The runner king is far from the Tathagata. How can he compare with the Tathagata? He saw that his thoughts and worries were not broken, so Subhuti immediately turned around and said that if I understood the meaning of Buddha and said that Buddha asked me, I answered casually. If you ask me further, I know what you mean. You should not look at the Tathagata with the thirty-two phases. You should not look at the Buddha with the thirty-two phases. Now Subhuti is completely clear. At this Prajna meeting, Subhuti has entered the realm of Great Bodhisattva. He is not the original two-way person, but only the person and me. He has already entered the court of justice, so he should not reply小丑带着一群坏人来进攻了,我可是在书上看到过,他以前,灭了很多城市,一直没人打得过他,就在人们没办法时,有五个元素战士用一把枪把他封印起来了,没想到他怎么又出来了,我们只能躲在家里,靠着望眼镜来观察外面的状况,小丑讲很多家破坏了,并杀死了很多乐高人,就在快要炸掉城市时,五个元素战士冲了出来,击退了很多怪物,最后把小丑击败了,看着保护家园的元素战士,一种强烈的想当元素战士的情感油然而生。红、黄、蓝、黑和我,也就是绿,共同决定去参加元素五年一度的元素战士选拨赛。首先,我们需要有很快的反应能力,四面八方都会有铁球悬浮在空中,任何一个铁球随时都会掉下来把我们压成泥。我一会跳过去,一会跳过来,一个也没打中,接下来又要有速度,一个个冲得比汽车还猛。最后,我们要用一堆破烂零件造东西,可以合作,我立刻叫来了红、黄、蓝、黑,我们用这些零件造了个巨大的机器人,每个部分都有一个人来操控,开始战斗就有人的东西坏了,我们接着去了小丑住的地方,听小丑的下一步计划,小丑一直抱怨皇帝不让他全国搜捕,他想了想,忽然叫了一声:“对啊!我可以把皇帝杀掉,然后自己再坐上皇位”。我想去告诉皇帝,但又怕皇帝不信,所以我们想出了个办法,小丑应该会制造一个大麻烦,让皇帝派走所有的守卫,再去偷偷杀掉皇帝,我们要在守卫刚走就立刻去告诉皇帝,小丑要来杀他,如果时间不够,小丑出门,红、黄、蓝和黑会去拦住小丑,让小丑越晚越好。果然,小丑派兵在很多地方制造了大麻烦,皇帝那派点兵,这派点兵,兵就没有了,我赶紧跑进皇宫里把事情告诉了皇帝,还让皇帝跟官员说,如果小丑来了,问他去哪了,你们就说我出去有事,很快就回来了。然后皇帝就和我出去把士兵们带回来,皇帝回来后小丑还没来,我就趁机躲在桌子下,又过来一会儿,小丑终于来了,这次小丑又给皇帝送来了一台乐高电脑,并教皇帝在上面玩游戏,皇帝玩的都停不下来了,小丑偷偷拿出了一把剑,用力向皇帝刺去,我使用木元素把剑挡住了有的还散架了,有的一踩就碎,有的一碰就碎,但最后还有一位强者靠着会飞来躲到现在,我们启动所以炮弹来炸他。最终,他在最后一刻被打了下来,我们胜了,还要五个乐高人也被留了下来接受训练跟着定位装置,我们到了一座火山脚下,我们坐着车一路开进了云里,可又不像云,因为云没有这么大一片的,听了当地居民的谈话,才知道这叫云海,在云海里的视线越来越模糊,能见度越来越低了,只能看见距离两米内的东西,突然,前面出现一块大石头,但司机有惊无险的躲了过去,可是又有一块大石头从山上飞了下来,车子也被撞到了很远的地方,还好经验丰富的老司机带我们走出了云海,来到了山上的火山脚下,一下车,我便马上冻的全身发抖,但我一转身,又被热得像夏天里的狗一样,真是冰火两重天啊!我们走着走着就要爬火山才行了,我们艰难的抓着山上突出的石头,一步一步往上爬,才爬到一半,黄就支撑不住了,他提醒我们别太累了时,脚没踩稳,掉了下去,但还好下面有个小平台,可黄还是受伤了,我们让黑去把黄送往附近的医院,其余人继续前进。等我们到山顶时,突然从旁边飞来了一桶油,让火山喷出了一点岩浆,差点溅到我身上来,幸好我躲得快,红和蓝一下子冲上去,想抓住扔油桶的人,但他们还不知道是小丑干的,此时,小丑又逃了,可我们再次用追踪器定位时,却发现定位显示在火山里,我们虽然觉得不可能,但还是去造了一艘高温潜水艇,再穿上防高温服,再叫上恢复了的黄,就开始下潜了,下潜一千米后还没见到任何可疑的东西,正当队员们准备放弃时,忽然出现一个房子一样的建筑,我们进去一看,什么也没找到,我们只好出去外面继续下潜,可温度升到四千度时已经不能再下潜了,已经是极限温度了,可定位显示小丑还在更深处,我们又不能下去抓小丑,也不能空手回去,我们只好把希望放在那像房子一样的建筑里,我们思考了很久也没想出一个办法我找到了他们并说明了情况后,市长又派了一百个乐高士兵去支援我们,二队也答应去支援我们。在过去的路上,我一直在通过装在红身上的微型摄像头找到他们。那个城堡的主人果然是小丑,他一副高兴的样子说:“这不是元素战士吗?想不到你们也有今天”。可小丑忽然又不高兴了,说:“怎么少了一个,绿呢?绿在哪?你们把他藏哪了”?“如果绿带着带着其他乐高人来救你们,你们就活不了了,他们关进监狱去”。小丑淡淡的说:“监狱里什么也没有,而且旁边关的都是前几天失踪的人,有些有用的可以去做士兵、?师和清洁工,没用的只可以被关着,并且只能吃别人吃的剩饭,有时候没有还吃不了。所以有人已经撑不住了,被活活饿死了”。我听到小丑说只能我一个人去救红他们,否则小丑就会杀了他们,但如果我不带士兵和二队,那我肯定打不过小丑,如果我带了军队,小丑又会把红他们杀掉,在我想不出办法时,白一看我这样,问我是不是有什么事,我把刚才看到的告诉白一,白一叫上了白二、白三、白四、白五一起来想办法,最后我们决定先让士兵造一百个救生船,然后我去城堡里吸引小丑的注意力,尽量拖延时间让二队去救红他们,再让五十个士兵去救其他被关在这里的乐高人,再留五十个士兵到大门口等我消息来支援我。我走到小丑面前,和小丑聊天,聊了很久,原来跟小丑聊天这么容易啊,我还以为小丑会怀疑呢,可小丑好像看出了我细微的变化,叫了诗歌乐高人去外面看看,回来后小丑一数。怎么只有九个回来了,这九个乐高人说他们中计了,有好多士兵在外面,那个乐高人死了。我知道情况不妙,赶紧呼叫了外面的士兵。然后小丑就让所有的乐高人来杀我,就在一堆乐高人围攻我,而且士兵又没来时,刚才那九个士兵跳过来,杀了好多小丑的军队,原来那九个乐高人分别是红、黄、蓝、黑、白一、白二、白三、白四、白五,我们一起战斗,打败了很多小丑的乐高人,最后我们去抓小丑,小丑坐上船逃了,我们也坐船追,市长也派了很多乐高军人一起去追小丑。就在快要抓住小丑时,小丑从船里拿出一个盒子,我们决定可能是什么危险的武器,一下子跳到他的船上按住了那个盒子,我们正想把盒子夺过来,黑却把盒子打掉在船上一时间洛克成为了名人。洛克感觉自己很有自信了,于是就乘车来到猫王国,他骄傲地对猫们说我:“看!我现在有多强大,我可以很容易就打败你们了。”于是,洛溪就和一支叫做加菲的猫进行决斗,结果洛溪惨败而归。洛溪终于知道了,漂亮的外表,不如有一个聪明的大脑由计算机程序控制研磨制作而成,尽显完美见红他们把我抬回床上,然后我就睡着了,我醒来时红他们说我已经睡了三天三夜,小丑已经把他能管的地方全部派兵搜捕我们,因为他和皇帝闹了点小矛盾,所以他不可以全国搜捕,说完蓝就给我拿了碗饭,我飞快的吃了下去,我完全恢复后就问二队怎么样了

       这些村子,就都是后来盖的了。
       我问:“你们刚过来那会儿,听说过这个劳改农场死了不少人吗?”
       他摇摇头,说:“这事儿他也是近十来年才听的多了,以前虽也有人说,很少。”
       说罢,老汉低头想了想,说:“到是过去,常听长一辈的人谝(Piǎn)闲传,说闹饥荒那几年,甘肃人可受了大罪,苦的很,村村都饿死人。要说那时期,这儿的劳改场饿死人,不稀罕。我就记得我饿的到处找树皮吃。都说那时候的省书记叫张仲良,是个活阎王,后来中央派来包公钱瑛,把他撤了职,以后好了些,至今这儿的老人还念钱瑛的好。
        “您知道有本书专写这儿的劳改农场?”我问。
        “我不识字”。老汉憨厚的笑了摇摇头,他说:“以前有人过来拍过电影,后来还听说有人捡尸骨要建坟,现在说是不让了”。
        我问:“林场外头的荒沙丘里,现在还能看到露出来的尸骨吗?” 
        老汉摇摇头,“早都清差不多了,以前有人专门过来清过”。
        再细打听,老汉也说不出个子丑寅卯了。用他的话说,也就他这岁数的人,对过去的事,多少还能知道点,像村里年轻的娃们,啥也不知道。
   

       谢过老汉,我掉转车头,打算到夹边沟林场看看,我记得书里说,林场那边有个龙王庙,是当时劳改农场的场部。


       出村没多远右拐,就算是进入了林场。乡道两边生长着高大的杨树,这季节正在吐芽。我把车开的很慢,是想多看一会这些树。再往里,看见几排规整的平房,像是宿舍,里面住着人。(防失联请复制加微信:s99yao 注明读者)


       宿舍四周围,依然是大片的荒草地,荒草下头的沙丘盐碱,依然清晰可见。不远处,生长着一片低矮的胡杨林,黑黢黢七扭八歪立的在荒沙滩里。


       正这时侯,迎面驶过来辆摩托,直接横在了路中间,拦住了路。那人跳下车,老远的示意我停下。开车的是位结实的汉子,四十来岁,浓眉大眼,肤色黝黑。
       “你哪里来的?这是找谁?”他问。
       我大致说了来意。不容我说完,他就用手比划着大声说:“你说的那都啥时候的事了?早就没了,里头现在什么都没有了,你赶紧掉头吧,赶紧出去!”我说我老远过来,我不下车,能不能让我开过去,看一眼就走?
        “你不走?是吗?我现在就打电话,让警察过来抓。你知不知道?现在是疫情时期!”
        他动了气。
        人家说的在理,我只好掉头。


       出了林场,前面有一片荒野地,荒地里有条不宽的河,路前头是座小桥,我停下车。
       从反光镜还能看到[夹边沟林场]的那个路牌,还有远处的夹边沟村。
       我打开了车载电视,一位美女主持正在采访一位中年男人,那人动感情说着:
       “我们以举国哀悼的方式,深切缅怀抗击新冠肺炎疫情斗争牺牲烈士和逝世同胞,这不仅是一种仪式,更昭示着一个国家对生命的尊重和关爱。
       因为这场疫情,我们已经失去了3000多位同胞。每一个数字背后,都有一个鲜活的故事……”   
       我随手拿过[夹边沟纪实],胡乱翻着,翻到当年右派们凄惨的死法这段,我的手停下了……
       董建义,上海人,美国哈佛大学医学博士。  1952年回到上海,1955年支援大西北  到兰州,1957年给领导提意见定为右 派,押送夹边沟农场劳教。1960年11月上旬饿死,时年35岁。记得当时他围着被子坐在地铺上和我说话,说他女人快到了,看来用不着我为他料理后事了。他正说着话,头往膝盖上一垂就死了。其妻顾晓颖(也为留美生)来后,见遗体已被割食,仅剩头颅挂在骨架上……
       沈大文,留美博士,甘肃农大的教授。1958年打为右派送到夹边沟,1960年春因饥饿失去行走能力,有天夜里约11点钟时,说想吃个糜子面饼饼,好不容易弄来两个,翌日清晨,静静躺着不动了,身体已冰凉……
       傅作恭,美国哥伦比亚大学水利工程学博士。1952年应傅作义(二哥)劝说回国从事新中国水利建设。1957年打成右派,开除公职,送夹边沟。他身体弱,挖排碱沟腿部长期泡碱水中,大面积溃烂,连饿带累,1960年冬一天大雪, 他爬到猪圈,想抠点猪食吃,结果倒在猪圈雪地里,没再起来……
       蔡子贺,五十多岁,右派。一天晚上,他拥着被子坐着,头往膝盖上一垂就死了。这种死右派们最常见、也最悄无声息、最平静的死法。他们在饥饿中疲惫地入睡,然后再也没有醒来……
       文大业,甘肃省卫生学校副校长,原兰州医学院教授。夹边沟有一种黄茅草,草的“粉汤”就像观音土,没有营养没有热量,能撑饱胃消除饥饿感,却形成大硬块,堵在肛门,肚子越来越大,他就这样五六天后,活活胀死了…… 
       巴多学,永登县人,解放前毕业于北京大学,永登县一中教师,胆小本分。他在1960年春天躺倒了,临终对身旁的人说,能不能给我一支烟?我想吸支烟。好友要来一撮旱烟末,卷了颗烟,点着,放在嘴巴上。他用干枯的手指抖抖索索扶助了烟,吸了几口,闭上了眼……
       牛天德,工程师,支援大西北从东北到兰州,任省建工局工程师,时年近六十,儒雅书生,死于浮肿。许多右派死于浮肿,他们死前要浮肿,浮肿消下去隔上几天再肿,这时人脸肿得像大南瓜,上下眼泡肿得睁不开,走路仰着脸,看不清路,每迈一步需要停顿几秒用以蓄积力量和保持平衡,再迈另一只脚。嘴肿得往两边咧着,头发都竖了起来。嗓音也变了,说话发出尖尖的如同狗叫的声音,很快就死了,样子很吓人……
       骆宏远,三十年代毕业于清华大学,土木建筑工程师,1958年秋,他被戴上历史反革命的帽子,扭送夹边沟劳动教养。一次地里干活,被狼咬死吃了......
       王景超,西北大学哲学专业。甘肃日报创办者之一。因写杂文论政,被打为右派。死于心力衰竭。当时填写右派死亡原因,多是随意,填心力衰竭居多......
       他叫一个右派,来自天水。他给老婆写信说他想孩子,想见见孩子。他老婆接到信后,带着14岁的男孩和8岁的女孩,长途跋涉上千公里来到农场,却没有见到丈夫——他在十天前就死了。埋他的人没几天也死了,她哭坟,没能找到丈夫的坟......
       王朝夫,临洮农校毕业,县农业局干部,时年22岁。他一直抱定活下去的希望——家里人还等着他回去团聚。一天,他拉着垂在胸前的绳子想坐起来,但使了使劲儿也没有坐起来。他知道自己不行了。他把手表交给护理员,说作为女儿未来的结婚礼物。翌日黄昏,他闭着眼睛静静地躺着,身体已经没有了体温......
       张继信,西北师院学历史,毕业后考上北大学中文,后续修北大英语系毕业。一天晚上睡下后,他不停地发抖,说冷。早晨起床的时,人们发现没气儿了......
       邹永泉,复旦大学数学系55年毕业,团支部委员,毕业报名支援大西北建设,分在兰州一中教数学。他病的奄奄一息,有人劝他吃点药,他摇摇头,说他得的是空肠病,打针吃药不如一碗面汤顶用,节约药片给有用的人吃吧。他家人好不容易给他寄来了几斤熟面,但已经晚了,他握着家里寄来的面袋子,流着泪尝了尝,就死了......
       .......
       我实在是看不下去了,只感到头在阵阵发晕,泪水不住的掉…….我想象不出当年这地方有多恐怖,恐怖的不仅是死,还有比死更恐怖的,是每天的等死。
       此时,是十点整,车载电视里传来北京拉响了防空警报,武汉也在响,全国都在响,整个国家正在为这次疫情里的逝者默哀。
       我按住车喇叭,“嘟……嘟”
       不知是这里太空寂,还是我这车的喇叭太孤独无力,这“嘟”声那么嘶哑苍白,刹那间就悄无声息的去了,只有这小桥下的流水,哗啦哗啦的响。
       有人说,生命的历程就像是写在水上的字,顺流而下,想回头寻找的时候总是失去了痕迹。我不死心,我木呆呆盯着河水,看着它不停的流,想在流水中找到些什么?哪怕只有一丝丝?然而,什么也没有,一切都没有了,留下了无尽的空。有的只是河岸边白花花的盐碱。
       盐碱,能说句话吗?

   
                             三 
       今天是清明,按老规矩应给逝者的坟添一撮新土。
       只可怜了他们,生的权力失去了,死后连个坟也无从谈起。单纯的死,还不至于让这人很快消失,至少人世间还留有他的坟。只有当他被活着的人们忘记时,他就是真正的死了。
       他们应该是真正死了,即便多么的不甘。
       我想起了林场里有片黑黢黢的胡杨林,他们彼此间应该都熟。都说胡杨一千年不死,死后一千年不倒,倒了一千年不朽。拜托胡杨能记挂起他们,使他们的魂永生。
       河水在小桥下不住地流淌,低婉的流水声让我不适,宛如哭声……
       我打着了车,只想赶快离开这里,这哗哗的流水声像是撕扯着我的心,我不想再听下去,我只想把一切都忘掉。
       车子在乡道上急驶,朝着酒泉方向,那里是城市,在城市的灯红酒绿里,可以忘掉一切。
       我忽然问自己,“我来这儿干嘛?”为了忘却的纪念?还真谈不上。我对这里原本就一无所知,不知何谈忘?我如今所知道的只言片语,无非是书里所写:这里有过一群人,他们是学者、教授、专家、工程师、学校教师与大学生,还有老革命、年轻的共青团员……同时,他们为人父母,或夫或妻,同样的他们曾经都是母亲怀里娇贵的婴儿…他们却惨死在这个地方。
       此时我又想起了那副画,画中慈祥的母亲用乳汁哺育着怀里的婴儿,四下里荡漾着人性的爱。可她们不会想到,会有一天,自己怀里的婴儿会被另外的婴儿扼杀了,死的还是那么的惨。
       按理说,人性的爱本应高于一切,一切以人为本。也就是说,无论什么价值取向、政治理念,都是为这至高无尚的人性的爱服务的,否则,要它们干嘛?   
                             四
       前面到了一个集镇,叫三墩镇,是个丁字路口,路口两侧有不少店铺和摊贩,卖蔬菜水果,五金百货,很热闹。这儿距夹边沟不算远。

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       我不禁问自己,六十年前,这路口会是个啥样?我想不出。可我却想的出,当年的那些右派们,途径这个路口后左拐,就上了通往夹边沟的路,就再没能活着出来。
       鲁迅说:"悲剧是将人生有价值的东西毁灭给人看的。”可我看到什么了呢?我真的什么也没看到,一切都如同从未发生过一样,全都空了,连悲剧都空了,悲剧何在?
       时间过去的过去了,未来的尚没有来,现在的刹那间即已消逝,而且刹那又在哪里?照这样看,哪里有过去?有未来?又哪里有现在?因而无古无今,无旦无暮,时间只不过是一段无始无终连绵不断的长远罢了(林清玄语)   
       我似懂非懂,浑浑噩噩,我仿佛已不知道自己是谁,我能从哪来又能到哪去?
       我走了,夹边沟,我能走多远走多远。

(https://mp.weixin.qq.com/s?__biz=MzkwNTE5MTYyNA==&mid=2247484788&idx=3&sn=6f4cf2f72381ea6948d471be7c1f2614&chksm=c0faccd3f78d45c57de1c56a86a69c7658cc0cdf6a613ead446c04fa2ae1b7299e14c6677533)
      我感觉自己很疲乏……(防失联请复制加微信:s99yao 注明读者)

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