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寫在1989年天安门大屠杀的23周年。
2012年6月4日，
23年前，中国政府的镇压在天安门广场學生運動導致数百人死亡。从那时起一个新的一代在中国成長起來，其中大部分對发生在中国的历史上这一天是被蒙在黑暗裡的。
但对我来说好像昨天。我开始了这一天，为一個新中国抱著極大的希望，但它最終以一种无法形容的悲哀而结束。
二十三年过去了。很多事情都改变了：人變老了，很多1989年的一些关键的共产党领导人已经去世。但對更多的人， 無關他們是否公开承認還是暗暗在內心揣摩， 人人都知道這一篇中国的历史，還是沒有結束。
這一章的中國歷史将會如何写成哪？故事的最終结局會怎樣？ 從最近公眾對陈光诚和薄熙来发生的事情來看，全世界還是很有兴趣在等待著觀看下一步的中国。
在过去23年来，我也试图了解天安门的意义。我清楚地记得，最后一小时：站在天安门广场，难以置信地看着這個不可思議的灾难，在我们身边展開。
在我完成這本"一心一意向自由"的書的時候，我终于明白了。中國只可能有結局：一个是持续地恐惧，另一個是走向真正的自由，宽恕的命运。
在希伯来文圣经，大卫王的儿子押沙龙背叛了自己的父亲， 用武力來奪取宝座。大卫，甚至在面对这样的背叛，也原谅了他的儿子。他告诉他的将军们，當他們征服了叛军，抓获任性的儿子時他们应该开恩，"你們要為我的缘故寬待那少年人押沙龙"。 但是，当押沙龙被吊在樹上，孤独和無助的時候，王的将军选择不聽大卫的忠告，硬是杀死了押沙龙，从而持续了以暴換暴的模式。
我們都知道，那些現在肆意压迫無助的，也将发现自己會像押沙龙那样，有脆弱的一天。但问题是：等那一天到来的時候，中国會将继续持續殘酷严厉的报复模式，還是开始恩典，怜悯和同情的道路呢？
你可能會問， 中国看似不龐大的领导什麽時候會變得脆弱哪？答案是：它一直是脆弱的，现在他們比以往任何时候都更加脆弱。
在中国普遍地都很少有真正的安全感，甚至是至高至上的领导人。权力，金钱，军队或警察部队可以给几个人临时帶來财富和稳定，但这些东西不能提供持久的安全。
在1989年，排名第二的领导人赵紫阳因為反对邓小平的决定而瞬間失去了他所有的力量；不久，聲勢浩大的强硬派，前北京市市长陈希同，也被判处16年徒刑。最近薄熙来也从恩典中坠落。这些领导人可能从外面看起来前所无敌，但他们可以憌刻之間失去了一切。以至於陈希同最近坦承的承認：在所有的这些高层次的政治斗争中，對方可以使用任何低級的方式， 不擇手段， 目的就是竊取權利。
中国的社會體制壓制人性和憐憫。象盲人律师陈光诚為代表13万妇女被迫接受强制堕胎和强制绝育而呼籲， 卻遭监禁和迫害。恐惧和自我保护的气息影响這社会的各阶层，如遭受5次強迫墮胎的受害者梅順平姐妹在國會的作證時講道， 她的兩次強迫墮胎都是因為她的同事打了小報告， 因為她們的獎金都跟不超生綁在一起； 又如去年秋天，18個人走過一個被面包车碾壓的孩子， 不管不問。
雖然天安門運動被給予了很多名稱和目的， 但是做為當時學生方面的總指揮， 我可以說， 我們要結束的， 就是這種滅絕人性的文化和气氛， 而創建一個充滿愛， 和平和富足的社會。所以1989年的6月4日是一個痛苦的日子，當我們亲眼目睹了這个梦想被坦克碾死。我們為失去的兄弟姐妹的痛苦中， 也在為這個沒能實現的社會而難過。很长一段时间，每当我想起當年的领导人选择這條毁灭和強暴的選擇時， 我的心總是會跟痛苦和愤怒作戰，。
兩年半前， 我認識了耶稣。他對妇女，儿童，穷人和被压迫者的熱愛，是跟主流文化和傳統相反的，基督叫我們跟隨他的門徒也做同樣的事。
他还原谅了那些嘲笑他的，并冷血地把他钉到十字架上的人："父啊，赦免他们，因为他们不知道他们做什么。"這是他臨終的話。（路加福音23:34）
又一次，他叫我也做同样的事。
這是我為什麽選擇原谅他们的原因。我原谅邓小平和李鹏。我原谅士兵们冲进1989年天安门广场。我原谅目前中国的领导下，继续压制自由和实行残酷的独生子女政策。
我以耶穌萬勝的名祈祷，恩典和寬恕的文化會在中国升起，让所有的人都得尊严和人性。我以耶穌萬勝的名祈禱神會改變中国目前领导人的心， 讓他們也會遵循耶稣的教誨和行为，施憐憫， 求公義，。我以耶穌萬勝的名祈祷，那些受压迫和不公正的會早日得到完全的自由，而且，他們不会寻求报复，像大卫王的將領杀害押沙龙那樣，而是有勇气來宽恕的。宽恕不是接受他們的不公正，而是把最終審判的權利交回給萬能，萬勝，和完全公義的神。
我明白这种宽恕是反主流文化和感情的。我也聽說前幾年極位信基督的天安門同事的兄長的寬恕被誤會。然而，在這天安門23週年的紀念日，我還是要選擇寬恕。因為我知道，當我們的心里充滿了和平與寬恕時，我們是在一個很小的程度上反應出耶穌對整個人類的巨大宽恕。我也知道，當我們在天安門前面對坦克機槍而決定不放棄和平理性非暴力的時候， 我們早已經選擇了寬恕！我更知道，只有當我們真正宽恕时，持久的和平才會到來。
"I Forgive Them."
Chai Ling on the 23rd Anniversary of 1989 Tiananmen Square Massacre.
June 4th, 2012
Two decades ago, the Chinese government's crackdown in Tiananmen Square left hundreds of my fellow students dead. Since then a new generation has grown up in China, and most of them are in the dark about what happened on this very day in China's history.
But to me it seems like just yesterday. I began that day with great hope and anticipation for a new China, but it ended as a day of unspeakable sorrow.
Twenty-three years have passed. Many things have changed: people grew older, and some key Communist Party leaders from 1989 have passed away. But many—whether they say this openly or not—know that this chapter of China's history has not closed yet.
How will this chapter be written? How will the story end? The world still watches China with interest, as the recent cases of Chen Guangcheng and Bo Xilai proved.
For the past 23 years, I too, have tried to understand the meaning of Tiananmen. I vividly recall that last hour: standing at Tiananmen Square, watching in disbelief as a disaster unfolded around us.
As I was writing A Heart for Freedom, I finally understood. There could only be two futures for China: an outcome of continued fear, or a destiny that opens the door to true freedom—and forgiveness.
In the Hebrew scriptures, King David's son Absalom rebelled and took the throne from his own father by force. Even in the face of this betrayal, David forgave his son. He told his generals that they should show mercy if they overcame the rebel army and captured the wayward son: "For my sake, deal gently with young Absalom." But when Absalom was found, alone and vulnerable, the generals chose to ignore David and kill Absalom—thus continuing the pattern of violence.
I know that those responsible for oppression in China will also find themselves vulnerable one day, just like Absalom did. And so the question stands: When that day comes, will China continue with a pattern of harsh retribution, or a will it begin a path of grace, mercy and compassion?
You may wonder how China's seemingly immovable leadership will ever be vulnerable. The answer is: it has always been vulnerable, and it is more vulnerable now than ever before.
There is little true security in China, even for leaders. Power, money and military or police forces can give a few people temporary wealth and stability, but these things cannot provide lasting security.
In 1989, the number-two-leader Zhao Ziyang lost all his power and freedom for disagreeing with Deng Xiaoping's decision to use force against students at Tiananmen. So did the strong hardliner, former Beijing mayor Chen Xitong, who was sentenced to 16 years in jail. And now Bo Xilai has fallen from grace. These leaders may have looked invincible from the outside, but they lost everything. As Chen Xitong confessed recently, "In all those high level political battles, each side is trying to outdo the other side by being more cunning, more malicious, and more brutal."
The system in China suppresses humanity and compassion. It imprisoned and persecuted Chen Guangcheng, a blind attorney, for advocating on behalf of 130,000 women who underwent forced abortions and forced sterilizations. The climate of fear and self-preservation can affect all levels of society, as demonstrated last fall when over a dozen people walked right past a dying toddler after she was run over by a van in a street.
This is the atmosphere that we students wanted to see change at Tiananmen. It is painful for me to remember what happened on that June 4th, 1989, when I witnessed the death of a dream. I still mourn for what "could have been." And for a long time, I battled bitterness and anger whenever I thought of the leaders who chose to take a path of destruction that day.
But then I was confronted with the example of Jesus. He loved women, children, the poor and the oppressed in a way that was radically countercultural—and he called me to do the same.
He also forgave the very people who ridiculed him and nailed him to a cross: "Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do." (Luke 24:34)
And again, he called me to do the same.
I forgive them. I forgive Deng Xiaoping and Li Peng. I forgive the soldiers who stormed Tiananmen Square in 1989. I forgive the current leadership of China, who continue to suppress freedom and enforce the brutal One Child Policy.
I pray that a culture of grace will arise in China, giving all people dignity and humanity. I pray that the China's current leaders will follow Jesus and act with mercy and compassion. I pray that those who have suffered under oppression will not seek vengeance—like King David's soldiers did when they killed Absalom—but have the courage to forgive. Forgiveness does not justify wrong, but rather yields the power of judgment to God.
I understand such forgiveness is countercultural. Yet it is only a small reflection of the forgiveness that Jesus gave, and I was filled with peace when I followed him in forgiving. When forgiveness arises, a lasting peace can finally reign.
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